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*Touches keyboard awkwardly* Well ok, it's not as if I don't touch it every single day at work, but to blog? *Shakes head* Can't say I'm used to it anymore. I'm a lil... afraid.
These months past, I've gotten used to bottling my emotions inside me once again, that when they threaten to spill over, I usually direct them to an, more often than not, unhealthy outlet.
So yeah, even though the words now come easily to me as if I've never stopped blogging, I'm afraid. Petrified even, that my emotions might betray me, make me feel exposed, vulnerable.
I'd prefer to do without that particular piece of emotion.
What drove me to writing in particular today, was the foolishness of Man. How is it that God created Man who generally (not all, per se; I meant generally) only cherish what they've lost and can't have?
When it all boils down to a choice between what they've lost and what they can't have, Man, whose curiosity are piqued, will be more desirous of what they can't have; a toy that slipped past their fingers and noticed again when dangled infront of them.
And why is it that the sands of Time tend to lend a fairytale-like touch to a faded, distant memory?
I guess there's definitely two sides of a coin to mull over.
Through a series of events in my short, albeit momentus life, I'd learnt to never take affairs of the heart for granted anymore.
Yet, albeit having tasted the sweetest drop of ambrosia that only Love can provide, I'd also ridden the dark unrelenting storm of depression and anguish.
I barely lived to tell the tale; My battle armor torn and tattered, damages irreparable.
Those experiences were what made me a coward who plead for Love to favour me with another opportunity at its ambrosia, but also afraid to fight for it.
In the past, I would step into Love's battlefield with my sword drawn from its sheath, the moment wedging a warcry out of me, but once the enemies appear, I would thrust my sword into the sand and get knocked down to my knees. Past wounds and battle scars have affected me too greatly to revive the fervour I used to possess.
Yes, you could say I've at least ventured a try, but did that make me any different from the unappreciative Man I've described above?
No... We're all just fools for love.
"…The heavens, as troubled with man’s act, Threatens his bloody stage: by the clock ‘t is day, And yet dark night strangles the travelling lamp. Is ‘t night’s predominance, or the day’s shame, That darkness does the face of earth entomb, When living light should kiss it?"
P.S: By the way, to the person who requested me to change my MSN tagline if it was on him, to which I had to lie partially through my teeth(it was about him and also another man) to say it wasn't, here's this: I AM a better woman without you! :D
- Location:work
- Mood:
thoughtful - Music:Linkin Park - From the Inside
Well, I don't think I will forget this, but just in case, I must post this to remind myself of the most exhilariating 1 1/2 hours I've had in the past few months... Yesterday morning.. From 5am - 6.30am.
Time went 'whoosh!' but boy, it was HOT. In all sense of the words! I fell in love with the colour blue, all over again... The perfect sky blue that darkens into bits of grey when...
Sigh...
*Drifts off in her little dreamland.*
- Mood: satisfied
I just had a short chat with, lets just call him Mr. V and not refer to him as anybody, well, it was just about a 2 minutes chat about shallow stuff.
I found that it didn't bothered me as much as it should be, when he did not comment on my display nick which said I was at the A&E. When he thought I was misunderstanding his intentions of messaging me the other day, I laughed.
And boy, it was a heartfelt grin... Because it was like, "Hallelujah! Let there be light!"
My god... Singlehood is DAMN SHIOK CAN! The revelation came 46 days too late, but I'm FREE, I'm really FREE!
我感觉到自由的快感了!
P.S: If you noticed my A&E bit, don't worry my friends. It was just complications from some sorta eye inflammation that caused sight problems, but I'm recovering now. *Hugs and kisses*
- Mood:
hyper
*Munches*
A typical Monday afternoon...
T-minus 5100. 5100secs, 5109secs, 5108......
- Location:work
- Mood:
lazy
What is love?
You'd think love is all romantic words and candle lights, gorgeous roses and death till us part.
Well lemme tell you this - Love is getting dumped on your ass for another woman after he went M.I.A for a week. Love is falling for the wrong person every motherfucking time.
You'd think love is all romantic words and candle lights, gorgeous roses and death till us part.
Well lemme tell you this - Love is getting dumped on your ass for another woman after he went M.I.A for a week. Love is falling for the wrong person every motherfucking time.
Love is staring into your 6 years old niece's eyes and watches as she realise her family is falling apart, stuttering when she tells you her mum brought her younger sister away. Love is when you feel so cornered and you wished to talk to the only stable rock in your recent years, and he dismissed you with a irritated sigh.
Love is when every fucking member of your immediate family is divorced or divorcing and causing so much pain around. Love is foolishly imagining "happy family times" while looking after his son.
Love is when every fucking member of your immediate family is divorced or divorcing and causing so much pain around. Love is foolishly imagining "happy family times" while looking after his son.
End result? Love is nothing but a waste of time and bloody fucking sham.
- Mood:
depressed
渐渐又习惯一个人孤单的味道。。。 其实那感觉没想像中难过。
如果放下爱的情感， 抛开友情的枷锁，只剩下自己一个，也许我还可能慢慢变得坚强。
可能是我变得更孤僻了吧，哈哈。。。
- Mood:
apathetic
5 years of 感情 packed into 6 bags full, which are now scattered all over the room, untouched.
I don't know what to make of it.
- Mood:
crushed
Ahahhahahaha.. Night filled with Lunar club (New iRumours style club, officially opening on 25/09/07) till FashionBar till MOS; nonstop binging!
Like I told the girls... Fucking high baby! Hahahaha. We still have dance practice tomorrow at 2pm till 5, what the fuck! I'm gonna concuss!
Lunar was great anyway. The decor and atmosphere was awesome. Didn't know I would like a pub with chinese live band that much, but I did.
Let's get high again next week. It was fun! *muacks*
- Mood:
drunk
I am watching "The Others" on the lappie, and I'd actually sat through almost 10mins of fireworks display beside my block!
It was the official launch of the AMK Hub... I had a perfect bird's eye view of it upon leaving my flat door but I mistook that din for the lion dance and performance stuff at the Central Stage, also just 100m away from my flat.
8 years of living in AMK Central, you'll learn to sleep past the noises from MRT trains, buses, lion dances, soccer fans on football nights, fights, and rowdy uncles when they're drunk.
I wish I did not miss the fireworks though :( The finale burst into a beautiful array of streaks across the night sky, just when I was taking my handphone out. Must have been awesome.
It was the official launch of the AMK Hub... I had a perfect bird's eye view of it upon leaving my flat door but I mistook that din for the lion dance and performance stuff at the Central Stage, also just 100m away from my flat.
8 years of living in AMK Central, you'll learn to sleep past the noises from MRT trains, buses, lion dances, soccer fans on football nights, fights, and rowdy uncles when they're drunk.
I wish I did not miss the fireworks though :( The finale burst into a beautiful array of streaks across the night sky, just when I was taking my handphone out. Must have been awesome.
- Mood:
grumpy
It was supposed to be a brand new start as from 20/09/07 for me, yet all I've done was throw up twice so far. I can feel the third one building...
Bugger this. It sucks to be me.
Other than the vomiting incident, at least the day so far has been simple, and nice. My mum coddled me like I was still a small child; Tucking me into bed last night, presenting me with a hot drink and a sandwich to pack off for work this morning.
It didn't feel any different from normal days though, just that I no longer have anyone to manja to, and someone that I can call immediately when I feel like sharing something. Someone to love and dote on.
But I've finally realised that I don't deserve this anymore...
No matter if sometime down the road we might get back together, or I get into a new relationship, I'm not going to be treated with disrespect anymore.
I understand you now. The love's all gone. Not when my presence made you uncomfortable. Not when you're so thoroughly enjoying your life now. Not when the presence of me in the past 5 years has been wiped clean. Not when your mum looked at me like I'm a squished bug that wasn't welcome.
Everything is too late. My love was brutally pulverised and dead now; And any semblance of our relationship is dilapidated.
For awhile, to love was all we could do
We were young and we knew
In our eyes were alive
Deep inside we knew our love was true
For awhile, we paid no mind to the past
We knew love would last
Every night, something right
Would invite us to begin the day
Something happened along the way
What used to be happy was sad
Something happened along the way
And yesterday was all we had
And, oh, after the love has gone
How could you lead me on
And not let me stay around ?
Oh, oh, oh, after the love has gone
What used to be right is wrong
Can love that’s lost be found ?
For awhile, to love each other with all
We would ever need
Love was strong for so long
Never knew that what was
Wrong, oh, baby, wasn’t right
We tried to find what we had
Till sadness was all we shared
We were scared
This affair would lead our love into
Something happened along the way
Yesterday was all we had
Something happened along the way
What used to be happy is sad
Something happened along the way
Yesterday was all we had
And, oh, after the love has gone
How could you lead me on
And not let me stay around ?
Oh, oh, oh, after the love has gone
What used to be right is wrong
Can love that’s lost be found ?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, after the love has gone
What used to be right is wrong
Can love that’s lost be found ?
No more "Bei bei!", no more "Baobei I lub u", no more "Ba~by!", no more "kish kish?", no more tickle wrestlings on the bed before we sleep, no more "抱抱!" requests.
If I had known the way that this would end,
If I had read the last page first,
If I had had the strength to walk away,
If I had known how this would hurt,
I would've loved you anyway.
I'd do it all the same,
Not a second I would change,
Not a touch that I would trade.
Had I known my heart would break,
I would've loved you anyway.
It's bittersweet to look back now
At memories withered on the vine.
And just to hold you close to me
For a moment in time.
I would've loved you anyway.
I'd do it all the same,
Not a second I would change,
Not a touch that I would trade.
Had I known my heart would break,
I would've loved you anyway.
And even if I'd seen it coming,
You'd still have seen me running
Straight into your arms.
I would've loved you anyway.
I'd do it all the same,
Not a second I would change,
Not a touch that I would trade.
Had I known my heart would break,
I would've loved you anyway.
I would've loved you anyway.
It's only the next day, and I miss you terribly. However, now that I think of it, I'm honestly glad you're happy.
In a way, I'm relieved too. The pain has finally come to an end.
Our memories are bittersweet, and I have yet to get over the shock of us being over, but I will move on without you. You don't have to feel responsible for me anymore...
Thanks.
"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive and do not forget." - Thomas Stephen Szasz
I forgive you. Do you forgive me too?
人在成长的过程中，
难免遇到挫折。
懂得保护自己，
也要懂得爱自己。
生命的乐章，看你自己如何去谱写。
躲避不一定躲得过
面对不一定最难受
得到不一定能长久
失去不一定不再有
转身不一定最软弱
别急着说别无选择 -
别以为世上只有对与错，
许多事情的答案都不止一个，
所以我们永远有路可以走。
你能找到理由难过， 也一定能找到快乐。
懂得放心的人找到轻松
懂得遗忘的人找到自由
懂得关怀的人找到朋友。
Forgetting is something that time takes care of, but forgiveness is an act of volition, and only the sufferer is qualified to make the decision.
- Mood:
nostalgic
Mmm, alright, this year I'm going to do something slightly different. After seeing my friends put up wish lists, I'm going to do so too! (Not that I'll receive alot of gifts... Probably 5-6 at max)
Nonetheless, here's the really short list:
The gold Gucci cardholder, either the one with a cute bell, or the wallet type cardholder with a big ribbon... I've been eyeing them for ages. <3
Guess watch... The red one :)
LV coin pouch? *Slurps*
Or else, it can be some Amway facial care products or anything you wish to buy me ;)
Anyway, they are expensive requests, I know lol. Therefore I would love it too if you just wish me a sincere Happy Birthday on 3rd October (and now you know) and perhaps a birthday kiss? Kiss is only permissible for the ladies though =P
It's his birthday tomorrow... Hmm...
- Mood: contemplative
Patricia Xiao
Today at 9:50pm
Report Message
hey jennifer, i'm marcus's gf. been seeing him since jan this year. found out that he has been cheating on me and chatting girls up on facebook. just like to know if you are seeing him on the side.thanks,
patricia
UGH. Seeing him on the side? Like the hell would I know if he's attached or not. Apparently not, with the way we've been chatting.
But what am I, the salad on the side?
Bah, Caucasians!!! At least this one ain't an English bloke.
Sigh... Another one of such messages within the month, when I've not receive any in the past 4 years?!
Should I be glad that I'm considered a threat to insecure women now, or should I just be pissed off? Uff.
Patricia Xiao
Today at 7:56am
Report Message
Thanks..juts wanted to warn you that he may appear like a perfect gentleman but he cheated on me. i was very upset cos i loved him cos of his faithful and gentle manner..but i think he's seeing angel behind my back. its just painful. by the way, how did you get to know marcus?
... And isn't that the story of my life?
- Mood:
blah
Sometimes, I've also wondered what it would be like for me had I not encountered certain life-changing events.
Sometimes... Sometimes I gasped for air like I'd held my breath underwater for 5 seconds too long.
Sometimes I hated my instinct for self-survival.
Sometimes I hated myself for having such thoughts.
Trying to recall when I was contented, I would locate it circa 1997, and 2001 to early 2002. Au contraire, if you ask me to pinpoint when I became melancholy like this, I don't know.
Maybe it was always there.
I can't put my constant state of malaise to words. I dare not, for fear of letting out this maelstrom surging inside me and hurting everyone with its whipsplash.
I'd rather go into purgatory then get stuck in this limbo called Life.
This reminiscence of my 22 years of life left nothing but a bad taste in my mouth.
Let's just hope the good times will roll in again...
Cogito ergo sum... Adequatio intellectus et rei.
- Mood: depressed
HA. thats where u are bloody wrong. I trusted him, not YOU.
JenxGeR wrote:
> Hi,
>
> If u 2 dun trust each other, dun drag me into this hor.. I dun want things to become complicated.
>
> I've only bumped into him at MOS entrance last mth, spoke 2 sentences and left. Have not met him in almost 5 yrs other than that.
>
>
> Jen
>
> DIva wrote:
> >
> > hi.
> >
> > would like to know if my bf (nick hugosiao aka darren wang jiale) has meet up with u recently.
> >
> > Pls reply.
Well Miss "DIva", you can just PISS OFF!
- Mood:
aggravated
A yellow bike slowed to a stop beside me, and I languidly looked at the 'MITO' wordings, before my eyes roamed back to the body the bike, and back to the wordings again.
It was then that I looked up at the rider, and there she was, Jas. -_- What a bloody coincidence! Lol. The look on her face... Lol. Made me wonder if she had her contact lenses on.
Anyway, hi blogders. It's been a while, I know. I've had a long break last week, from National Day till a couple of days ago, and in doing nothing but eat sleep and idle my days away, I'd managed to recover some strength and energy enough to update my blog, before it collects virtual spiderwebs.
Hence, lemme upload a "few" choice photos to share. Enjoy!
After our background makeup class =)
I heart my vainity.
And this is our eye makeup class :)
The mandatory camwhoring picture.
With Grant at Bar Celona. I kicked his ass at pool that night!
Jim's party at Covo. It was fun and drinks drinks drinks until I had a fall and skinned my knee real bad. Bleagh.
Afterwards at MOS, obviously high. =\
Will likes to act cool WAY too much.
ROFLMAO.
And one with the ladies - Eugenia, Ting, and Yan. =)
Pardon mua. I just felt like posting my picture with her everywhere. LOL. *gushes*
The cuties of MOS Smoove members'!
♥
Ying! One gorgeous girl I've gotten to know better during the last couple of months =)
My favourite mekajiki that I had at Raikuichi. Mmm...
Where else?
A rare picture with Stanley in it (guy in middle). And I know I've flooded my entry with pictures, but I don't care! Grawr.
And the number of pictures that I didn't upload only stands to show how long I have not updated... Ugh.
Anyway, just a brief overview over my life so far - It's picking up, like I said; My depression issues have not occurred during the past month, so it's all good, albeit a little dull.
I'm also starting to hate my job at AIG, so that explains all the slacking and facebook-ing you guys might have noticed :)
Anyways... I still have to go back to work, so toodle loo my lovelies!
Some of you might already know this ages ago, some might not, but anyway.
I'm bi. And not in the I-love-my-sisters-and-I-don't-mind-frenc
Don't worry, if I had never shown signs of coming on to you in the past, I most probably still won't.
I'm still jittery about this 'revelation', or what you can call as denial in the past, but girls will be girls, they ultimately prefer driving sticks even if they swing both ways =]
I'm bi. And not in the I-love-my-sisters-and-I-don't-mind-frenc
Don't worry, if I had never shown signs of coming on to you in the past, I most probably still won't.
I'm still jittery about this 'revelation', or what you can call as denial in the past, but girls will be girls, they ultimately prefer driving sticks even if they swing both ways =]
- Mood: contemplative
- Music:Linkin Park - What I've Done.
Author's side note: Ooh oh oh I've got Facebook, and I'm addicted! Lol. Add me, yea? ;)
*Swoons* FYI, Colby Miller was one of the Cleo's Most Eligible Bachelor contestants for 2006, and he's currently a MTV Asia VJ.
I got to serve him at AIG front counter today... And he looked so yummy! So gawd damn cute cute cute cute ccuutttteeee!
Damn, I've got to stop behaving like a cat in heat, trying to jump or swoon over every hot man I see!
Anyway, some of you may know that I was a little depressed (with good reasons) and out of sorts the last couple of months, but surprisingly, life's picking up, albeit bits by bits and very slowly.
I don't want to jinx this, so let's just see how it goes then =]
Did this all by myself! Though I was rushing and used *gasp* contouring powder for my ENTIRE face instead of loose powder. Lol. But I still likie =)
- Location:Work.
- Mood: hyper
- Music:Nina Sky - Move Ya Body.
- Mood: sad
I love them webcomics! They've been my perfect companion since my idling days 3 years ago. ♥♥♥
- Location:work
- Mood:
bored
You are Judgement
Happiness, Content, Joy.
Judgment is related to the Hebrew letter Shin, which is fiery and spiritual. A break from the past, going forward.
With Fire as its ruling element, Judgement is about rebirth or ressurection. The idea of Judgement day is that the dead rise, their sins are forgiven, and they move onto heaven. The Judgement card is similar, it asks the resurrection to summon the past, forgive it, and let it go. There are wounds from the past that we never let heal, sins we've committed that we refuse to forgive, bad habits we haven't the courage to lose. Judgement advises us to finally face these, recognize that the past is past, and put them to rest, absolutely and irrevocably. This is also a card of healing, quite literally from an accident or illness, as well as a card signaling great transformation, renewal, change.
- Mood: contemplative
- Music:Chamillionaire - Turn It Up Feat. Lil Flip
