*Touches keyboard awkwardly* Well ok, it's not as if I don't touch it every single day at work, but to blog? *Shakes head* Can't say I'm used to it anymore. I'm a lil... afraid.

These months past, I've gotten used to bottling my emotions inside me once again, that when they threaten to spill over, I usually direct them to an, more often than not, unhealthy outlet.

So yeah, even though the words now come easily to me as if I've never stopped blogging, I'm afraid. Petrified even, that my emotions might betray me, make me feel exposed, vulnerable.


I'd prefer to do without that particular piece of emotion.


What drove me to writing in particular today, was the foolishness of Man. How is it that God created Man who generally (not all, per se; I meant generally) only cherish what they've lost and can't have?

When it all boils down to a choice between what they've lost and what they can't have, Man, whose curiosity are piqued, will be more desirous of what they can't have; a toy that slipped past their fingers and noticed again when dangled infront of them.

And why is it that the sands of Time tend to lend a fairytale-like touch to a faded, distant memory?

I guess there's definitely two sides of a coin to mull over.

Through a series of events in my short, albeit momentus life, I'd learnt to never take affairs of the heart for granted anymore.

Yet, albeit having tasted the sweetest drop of ambrosia that only Love can provide, I'd also ridden the dark unrelenting storm of depression and anguish.

I barely lived to tell the tale; My battle armor torn and tattered, damages irreparable.

Those experiences were what made me a coward who plead for Love to favour me with another opportunity at its ambrosia, but also afraid to fight for it.

In the past, I would step into Love's battlefield with my sword drawn from its sheath, the moment wedging a warcry out of me, but once the enemies appear, I would thrust my sword into the sand and get knocked down to my knees. Past wounds and battle scars have affected me too greatly to revive the fervour I used to possess.

Yes, you could say I've at least ventured a try, but did that make me any different from the unappreciative Man I've described above?


No... We're all just fools for love.


"…The heavens, as troubled with man’s act, Threatens his bloody stage: by the clock ‘t is day, And yet dark night strangles the travelling lamp. Is ‘t night’s predominance, or the day’s shame, That darkness does the face of earth entomb, When living light should kiss it?" 


P.S: By the way, to the person who requested me to change my MSN tagline if it was on him, to which I had to lie partially through my teeth(it was about him and also another man) to say it wasn't, here's this: I AM a better woman without you! :D

I know its a little late for an epiphany, but I've got to say this.

I just had a short chat with, lets just call him Mr. V and not refer to him as anybody, well, it was just about a 2 minutes chat about shallow stuff.

I found that it didn't bothered me as much as it should be, when he did not comment on my display nick which said I was at the A&E. When he thought I was misunderstanding his intentions of messaging me the other day, I laughed.


And boy, it was a heartfelt grin... Because it was like, "Hallelujah! Let there be light!"

My god... Singlehood is DAMN SHIOK CAN! The revelation came 46 days too late, but I'm FREE, I'm really FREE!


我感觉到自由的快感了! 


P.S: If you noticed my A&E bit, don't worry my friends. It was just complications from some sorta eye inflammation that caused sight problems, but I'm recovering now. *Hugs and kisses*
 

Hi!



 
*Munches* 



A typical Monday afternoon...

T-minus 5100. 5100secs, 5109secs, 5108...... 

 

It was supposed to be a brand new start as from 20/09/07 for me, yet all I've done was throw up twice so far. I can feel the third one building... 


Bugger this. It sucks to be me. 


Other than the vomiting incident, at least the day so far has been simple, and nice. My mum coddled me like I was still a small child; Tucking me into bed last night, presenting me with a hot drink and a sandwich to pack off for work this morning. 

It didn't feel any different from normal days though, just that I no longer have anyone to manja to, and someone that I can call immediately when I feel like sharing something. Someone to love and dote on.

But I've finally realised that I don't deserve this anymore... 

No matter if sometime down the road we might get back together, or I get into a new relationship, I'm not going to be treated with disrespect anymore.

Yes, now I do understand that I deserve better, but only time will assist in making me believe so. 


I understand you now. The love's all gone. Not when my presence made you uncomfortable. Not when you're so thoroughly enjoying your life now. Not when the presence of me in the past 5 years has been wiped clean. Not when your mum looked at me like I'm a squished bug that wasn't welcome. 


Everything is too late. My love was brutally pulverised and dead now; And any semblance of our relationship is dilapidated. 


For awhile, to love was all we could do 
We were young and we knew 
In our eyes were alive 
Deep inside we knew our love was true 
For awhile, we paid no mind to the past 
We knew love would last 
Every night, something right 
Would invite us to begin the day 

Something happened along the way 
What used to be happy was sad 
Something happened along the way 
And yesterday was all we had 

And, oh, after the love has gone 
How could you lead me on 
And not let me stay around ? 
Oh, oh, oh, after the love has gone 
What used to be right is wrong 
Can love that’s lost be found ? 

For awhile, to love each other with all 
We would ever need 
Love was strong for so long 
Never knew that what was 
Wrong, oh, baby, wasn’t right 
We tried to find what we had 
Till sadness was all we shared 
We were scared 
This affair would lead our love into 

Something happened along the way 
Yesterday was all we had 
Something happened along the way 
What used to be happy is sad 
Something happened along the way 
Yesterday was all we had

 And, oh, after the love has gone 
How could you lead me on 
And not let me stay around ? 

Oh, oh, oh, after the love has gone 
What used to be right is wrong 
Can love that’s lost be found ? 

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, after the love has gone 
What used to be right is wrong 
Can love that’s lost be found ? 

No more "Bei bei!", no more "Baobei I lub u", no more "Ba~by!", no more "kish kish?", no more tickle wrestlings on the bed before we sleep, no more "抱抱!" requests.

If I had known the way that this would end, 
If I had read the last page first, 
If I had had the strength to walk away, 
If I had known how this would hurt, 

I would've loved you anyway. 
I'd do it all the same, 
Not a second I would change, 
Not a touch that I would trade. 
Had I known my heart would break, 
I would've loved you anyway.

It's bittersweet to look back now 
At memories withered on the vine. 
And just to hold you close to me 
For a moment in time. 

I would've loved you anyway. 
I'd do it all the same, 
Not a second I would change, 
Not a touch that I would trade. 
Had I known my heart would break, 
I would've loved you anyway. 

And even if I'd seen it coming, 
You'd still have seen me running 
Straight into your arms. 

I would've loved you anyway. 
I'd do it all the same, 
Not a second I would change, 
Not a touch that I would trade. 
Had I known my heart would break, 
I would've loved you anyway. 
I would've loved you anyway. 


It's only the next day, and I miss you terribly. However, now that I think of it, I'm honestly glad you're happy.

 In a way, I'm relieved too. The pain has finally come to an end.

 

Our memories are bittersweet, and I have yet to get over the shock of us being over, but I will move on without you. You don't have to feel responsible for me anymore...
 

Thanks.

"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive and do not forget." - Thomas Stephen Szasz

I forgive you. Do you forgive me too?

 

人在成长的过程中，
难免遇到挫折。 
懂得保护自己，
也要懂得爱自己。 
生命的乐章，看你自己如何去谱写。 
躲避不一定躲得过 
面对不一定最难受 
得到不一定能长久 
失去不一定不再有 
转身不一定最软弱 
别急着说别无选择  -
别以为世上只有对与错， 
许多事情的答案都不止一个， 
所以我们永远有路可以走。 
你能找到理由难过， 也一定能找到快乐。 
懂得放心的人找到轻松 
懂得遗忘的人找到自由 
懂得关怀的人找到朋友。

 

Forgetting is something that time takes care of, but forgiveness is an act of volition, and only the sufferer is qualified to make the decision.